On love and being loved

I was once told not so long ago..

Every great Romance is bound to end in tragedy. Backed by Qays and Layla, Romeo and Juliet , hell.. Even Shahrazad was gonna lose her head lest she entertained Shahrayar with exciting tales for a thousand and one nights.

If love stories didn’t end in tragedy what would be so beautiful about them? The whole point is to end something amidst its magic , at its peak to preserve its memory and not wait until its beauty becomes a flower that time devours.

I used to believe it. It made sense. And so I shied away from whirl wind romances. I don’t like to lose things. So I just made sure I didn’t own anyone I wouldn’t have wanted to lose in the first place.

The other world suffers from my hang-ups. In arabic we literally call a hang up a knot "ogdha".But he’s unknotting my knots one by one. Putting out every spark of doubt or flame of insecurity.

God how I love him. I hope he sees how much he molds me without knowing, every time we speak and say goodnight I find a better person in me than who I was only hours ago.


It’s miraculous though. Scary but wonderful. I think it’s a directly proportional property that of love. The greater you love, the greater the risk of pain, hurt and shit. Just like the less you love, the less you hurt incase anything happens.

My whole love life was based on the theory of “loving less for hurting less”. Time and time again I’d tell my girlfriends to not love and just be loved. Capitalizing on the "personality" factor more than the physical. If you want loyalty, find an ugly man. ( yes I had issues, blame it on Wahabbisville) That when the guy loves you more and you don’t really give that much of a shit about him.. You have made it to blissful partnership.

No fights, no heartaches, no cheesy shit and most of all the joy of.. eternal “habolation” habol means –running after you- from the guy because he knew in his heart that he reallydid not have you yet.

Ofcourse, SEX is always a factor but you don't really look for what you don't miss. And this in fact is one of Islamic rules of marriage.. No pre- marital sex so you would be satisified with your spouse package whatever it is and not look for the supposedly more pleasurable feeling of another experience that you had once before with someone else.. It actually works if you ask me.

So that's my answer to those who think I am ab- normal when it comes to sexual desires.
or the lack of it ( hey not all of us get horny after half a liter of rum)

Sighhh the theory of "love less to hurt less" also explains my oh – so- envied- “success” so far. That’s the secret of the trade. It’s not because I’m a hot chica babe who masters the science of male taming lol . Hell no.. My heart palpitates at a raised voice, I’d cry at grin and walk out when I’m not comfortable. I can’t even live with male pheromones around me for 24 hours straight. l always need my own room. I’ve lived my whole life in relationships but out of them at the same time. And because of that I guess I never learned anything.

I’ve never loved before. The way love is supposed to be. Not until now. Now I am in love. And I love with all my senses. My sight, my smell, my taste, my touch and hearing. I see nothing, smeel nothing, taste nothing and hear nothing but him. his face, his voice, his taste, his touch. Yuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk I knowwwwww but it’s ttrueeeeeee uhuhuhuh No one can hide from the truth and I find it so envigoratingly cute have this in my life. I’m so lucky. I love him with all my heart, mind and aching longing yearning soul. It doesn’t matter what he feels about me anymore lol .. all that matters is how I adore him. This is the classic- wherever you are, whoever you are with\ I love you till the end of time and I just want you to be happy- scenario.

So either way I’m not afraid of being hurt coz nothing can hurt me ( yeah right tell it to the marines huh? ). My heart is exposed for the taking like cheese cloth to maggots in a Luis Pasteur spontaneous generation experiment.

I thank God for for the other world every time I pray. I know he’s heavenly because he is the answer to my prayers. The kind of answer you don’t expect but then realize that it is. He came when I was praying night and day, crying to just know the way, asking God literally this…

“ Oh savior, oh savior, ( ya mogheeth, -the one who saves-) Oh you with the marvelous thrown, Doer of what you will, I ask you by the light of your face that lights up all the heavens and your mercy that encompasses everything, Oh savior , save me. Lead me to your light and lead your light to me” .


There he was. . my Heart, Honor, Happiness and Hope. My H.

and there I was exposing my soul like crazy and he was actually listening. And there was God.. smiling upon us.