Badawiya's guide to Saudi men

A saudi woman’s guide to men
Convention dictates to us to classify people, men or women as either “single” or “ committed”. Although each “status” has different variations such as "was committed now single", or "single and was never in a commitment" , that mind you, can totally define a person's behavior towards their partners. Let us keep in mind first the definition of the “ person” of the person.

In sociology a person, who he is, how he thinks and even what he believes in, the totality of our characters are the sum of experiences , places, people and social norms we live in or to be more accurate, we grew up in. Hence, the background of the person is of extreme importance to discover who he is and how he would likely behave towards women. I know many of our people, especially the young generation would even die to disapprove this point, but this book is written based on real life. The experiences of real women and their relationships with real men. Ofcourse, there is always an exception but personally , as far and wide as I have searched, every exception would prove a “ temporary “ state, one that each , especially the man in the relationship would want to live or believe as reality for some time , it might last a year, 2 or 3 but at the end of the “bi3tha” or after the return back to the society that made him… well, let’s just say, everything changes. Or to be more accurate.. goes back to normal. The person he really is to begin with.

I have made it a point to write this for the Arabic woman and for her alone. Why? Because we are different and we need to accept that. There is no use in pretending that we are part of the “ normal” world, what is normal anyway? We just established that what is normal to us is where we come from and there is nothing but biology as we are all human beings that is truly identical with the western world. Heck! That doesn’t even come close! ( birthing thighs syndrome) lol

Our culture is a mystery to the rest of the world, the way we think, our spirituality, our priorities. Everything we are as Saudi women is a secret we only know. Behind our closed doors and inside our hearts lies a world of segregation, secrets, religious” remedies” for our psychological problems and the fact that no one will understand us even if we tried to explain that our religion is not what it seems.

No matter how hard we explain that Islam is just and fair and the answer to every woman’s woes, the reality we are living in is that men took our religion and are using it according to their own interpretations, whether it is about marrying another or allowing us to pursue education or choose how we want to live and who we want to live with, the Saudi woman’s life is tough, confusing, double standardized and well.. a whole lot of stuff no oprah , self help book or best marriage councilor can ever deal with, because and I repeat, we are a different breed of women. We can only understand eachother and no one else will ever be able to help us deal with our relationship issues or our female psychology in the real world we live in but us.
I dedicate this book to all my Saudi sisters who want to live better lives, have more joy and happiness in their hearts, build honest faithful relationships and raise our future children in love and light with Gods grace and guidance.

-Lets start with the juicy part.. men and their kinds
Don’t think you are getting off the hook easily! It is not about men all the time, infact, everything is about you. This is your life, you make your decisions, you choose the way you think, the people you surround yourself with and ultimately your life mate. In order to do your best, because there are no guarantees in life, we have to start with ourselves, our attitudes and how we look at god, fate, positivity and most of all.. how we look at ourselves. Our self image makes us stronger and more confident, the more we believe in ourselves, our value as women, our potential and our capabilities the more we are likely to make good choices in life and be happier. We have our “karama” and God will never leave the faithful, so before we start I want to tell you that you have nothing to worry about.. Allah knows and whatever problems you are facing right now there is wisdom behind it, maybe god wants something better for you? Maybe you need to be stronger to face a harder challenge or maybe instead of all the sadness you maybe experiencing ,you just need to love yourself and give yourself a chance to simply be the wonderful, beautiful, loving creature you are meant to be. God works in mysterious ways.

Ladies , in this ever evolving changing world, men just like us women are also evolving, I have gathered through research and life experiences enough reliable information to present to you the classification of today’s Saudi male:

- Single and afraid of commitment
- Committed but “single” at heart
- Serially committed and forever single
- Single and content ( doesn’t want to be committed)

I will discuss each category using 3 main points in time – past, present and future , then I will try to give my take on how to deal with each:

Single and afraid of commitment
- Young, studying or at the begging of their careers. Probably from a not very conservative family, which means that rebellion and the need for affairs as a teenager was more on friendships that didn’t go too deep in love and "wanting to die for eachother" if you know what I mean. Probably born of naturalized Saudi parents or grand parents without the strict rules of segregation and a person who knew he could do whatever he wanted with the opposite sex like pursuing or making relationships which in turn kept him neutral when it comes to women. ( this is more like the example of a non Saudi male) so I don’t need to expound on this part, read "men are from mars and women are from venus" . This man is fun to be with because he doesn’t pressure you, it is up to you to set the bounderies of how you deal with him and build your relationships thru friendship, activities and decency before you get tied up. It is a matter of extreme importance to keep distance between you and your prospect male because men by nature are hunters, they enjoy the chase and will respect you more in the long run. Sure they want an easy girl to satisfy the moment but they will never consider you as wife material if you put out fast. This is a universal law and my recommendation for this part is a book called “ the rules”. Enjoy this type because it is closest to normal man-woman bonding and growing relationship.

Committed but single at heart
- These are the worst types, they come in all ages , they get married young, usually just to please their parents to some cousin or so. Probably raised in a strict family which is why he was driven to get married to get out of it , or to experience something new, most of the time on impulse and use religion or completing half of their spirituality by getting married as an excuse, before or/and after their marriage they discover that they need to experience more female interaction and live a double life, since they are young they probably go out with their friends to hunt women, have multiple cellphones stashed somewhere, travel a lot to get away from the house and in this man's mind is the eternal search for “ love”. Yet this type are dangerous because they are weak, they will use religion and family to stay married and go fall inlove with other women and drag her through the hell of being " the other woman"with the international excuse of not wanting to hurt their wives. These are also the worst typoes because you will always feel used no matter how much they tell you they love you . you are clean "decent"version of a mistress since he shows intent to marry u and he can( 4 wives thing) And I will talk about the effects of this situation more later on.
More on the other woman later

Serially committed and forever single
These are really screwed up. Older in age but in maturity nada. They come from conservative families . Probably a powerful wealthy clan. Never really suffered in life. They simply can not function without a woman in their lives, any woman. Because they were never alone in that sense. They probably have a woman in their lives through every major event that they go through, they suck the life, the emotional support and the loyalty out of one woman and replace her as their position in life changes. The twised thing is they consider themselves good people who value marriage but amazingly not forever-monogomy so they keep living with one woman periodically or pursue a relationshipo under the pretense of good intentions and marriage ( in the eyes of God) if you are Saudi with the same belief system or “friends with benefits “ if you are not Arab ( which makes it ok because they think all western women do not value monogamy and that God will forgive them for screwing women's life as long as they are not muslim) and so somewhere along the way wake uop one day realizing they had gone thru women like M&Ms and probably lost one that actually loved them and would have changed their life towards a more stable peaceful one and end up with someone less deserving and who was just there conveniently. Cowardice and lack of ambition to pursue their dreams take over. Perhaps exhaustion. Point is, they start their life with a dream, the climax of their life story,and soulmate passes them by and they end up living what is left of their lives in the worst possible family and marriage senario , have occassionnal affairs to fill the void and die alone ( spiritually and emotionally).. This stems from growing up single ofcourse, probably lived with a bunch of guys during their youth with no female influence, so interacting with women or simply knowing the difference between male and female emotions and psychology is non existent. To them women are their mothers and sisters, to be served not to be loved and cherished and to them love is more sexual and on an “ you give me what I need , I give you what you need” basis. They have no concept of faithfulness and look at life as a series of relationships using the mantra of different life stages need different situations. These men are insensitive to womens need of thoughtfulness and the assurance of security they try to justify their selfishness by saying they were honest all the while and you knew what you were getting into. Getting into a relationship with a person like this is more destructive than the one with the wife because you will always dream of being his wife since he is not married per se and the situation is not clear to you and others ( as opposed to being the other woman) . In the end you confuse yourself , build your hopes and dreams and lose your youth and tears on a relationship that is bound to be full of insecurities, doubts and fears as it progresses .

Single and content ( this is the one you should go for)
These are usually older, established , stable men. These are ideal for a “ well rounded” woman. This person lived it all, the strict Saudi life and the crazy western women and understands that being surrounded by people and having the career and the looks and everything going for you does not mean that you are not lonely or that you are a whore. People like these experienced enough to know what a good woman is and she could do for them in terms of being behind that successful man, being their playmate, partner, mother of his children and friend. They know what they want because they can live alone and choose not to share their lives with just anyone. They search for the unique and the worthy and once they find her they pursue her if they had to cross oceans and and climb mountains for once she is his, he gains the world and a happy ending. These are hard to deal with because they have tasted the best of both worlds, they can have the booty they want anytime and yet still enjoy their privacy and safe world. In order to bag a man like this you need to be exceptional, different than any woman he has ever met, someone worth the risk of losing his safe hole and trying to make it with you instead. A lady in the living room, a whore in the bedroom and a guy on football sundays! To be that person, be yourself first and foremost, ofcourse take care of your physical beauty, your independence so you wont threaten him with clinginess and most of all show that you are every woman he could possibly want, a slut, a wife, a mother , this man has to see that you are flexible, fun, smart, independent and sexy.

--- I will continue this soon gtg

فوائد وجود الاعداء

~النار تظهر معدن الجواهر , و الجواهر تظهر معدن الرجال~

قول مأثور

يُحكى أن حاكما لأمريكا, معروف بحكمته و محبته لشعبه, هذه المحبة التي أتمرت محبة

متبادلة من الطرف الأخر؛ فكان شعبهُ جد مرتبط به يعمل بكل قرارات هذا الحاكم الذي كان يحب الطبيعة و جمالها و أجمل ما يحب فيها الغزلان, و قد لاحظ بمتابعته الدائمة لها أنها تعاني كثيرا من جراء مطاردة الأسود الدائمة لها؛ فقرر قرارا قاطعا بحماية الغزلان الضعيفة من الأسود الظالمة , و بدأ بالفعل حملة عشواء للقضاء على هذه الوحوش , و قد أطلق آلته الإعلامية و القانونية لدعم هذه الحملة , و قد كانت استجابة الناس كبيرة لهذه الحملة بل إن هناك من أتى من أماكن بعيدة للمساهمة في هذه الحملة, مما أدى إلى قتل معظم الوحوش و هرب الباقي منها بعيدا خارج حدود مرعى الغزلان , فرح الحاكم جدا بنجاحه في حماية الغزلان الضعيفة, و بعد مرور عدة شهور لاحظ هذا الحاكم أن عدد الغزلان بدأ يتناقص بشكل كبير مما أدى إلى إخافته ؛ فطلب من أخصائيين دوليين في البيئة معرفة سبب هذا التناقص المتطارد , و بعد البحث وصل الأخصائيون لنتيجة جد مفاجئة مفادها أنه لابد من وجود الأسود لاستمرار الغزلان , فتعجب الحاكم و طالب بشرح مفصل لهذه النتيجة التي وصل لها الباحثون , فجاء التبرير بأن الأسود كانت تجري خلف الغزلان و بذلك تجبرها على الجري و تنشطها للرياضة , و مع عدم وجود الأسود فإن هذه الغزلان تكاسلت و سمنت مما أدى إلى انتشار الأمراض بها , بل و أكثر من ذلك فالأسود تصطاد الغزلان الضعيفة و المريضة و بذلك تحمي بقية القطيع من العدوى و تساهم في بقائه .

هذا لا يعني أنه يجب علينا السعي لخلق الأعداء , و لكن وجود الأعداء و الحاقدين هو دافع قوي للاستمرار و النجاح ؛ فالحكمة في وجود الأعداء أنها تخرج القوة الكامنة داخلنا تدفعنا لبدل كامل جهدنا لتجاوز العقبات التي يضعونها في طريقنا , و من يعجز عن تجاوزها عليه أن يحاول و يستمر و يصر في المحاولة, لأنه إن لم تحاول فقد فشلت , فلا ترضى أن تكون فاشلا أو مِن الأموات الأحياء الذين يُتقلون كاهل أرض بلا نفع لِأنفسهم و لا لغيرهم . و لكن كما قال تشرشل الرئيس السابق لبريطانيا عند خسارته في الانتخابات أن : " خير رد على الفشل هو النجاح " , و لأن العقبات و المصاعب هي التي تفرز الذي يستحق الريادة من الذي يستحق التبعية , فلا ترضى أن تتخلف عن الركب و تبقى تابعا.

إن الأسد يعلم أن عليه أن يجري أسرع من أبطء غزال لكي لا يموت , وكذلك الغزال يعرف أن عليه الجري أسرع من أسرع أسد كي لا يموت.

******

خلاصة القول :

كن واثقا من النجاح , و استعد للعقبات و اعرف أن وجود الأعداء فيه جانب مشرق , ابتسم و انطلق بلا انتباه للقاعدين و المتخاذلين , لأن وجودهم دليل على وجود الناجحين و المتميزين , الذين نسعى لركوب قطارهم فلا تتخلف عن الموعد .

قال الله تعالى : " وَلَوْلا دَفْعُ اللَّهِ النَّاسَ بَعْضَهُمْ بِبَعْضٍ لَفَسَدَتِ الْأَرْضُ وَلَكِنَّ اللَّهَ ذُو فَضْلٍ عَلَى العَالَمِينَ"

وقال تعالى : " وَلَوْلا دَفْعُ اللهِ النَّاسَ بَعْضَهُمْ بِبَعْضٍ لَهُدِّمَتْ صَوَامِعُ وَبِيَعٌ وَصَلَوَاتٌ وَمَسَاجِدُ يُذْكَرُ فِيهَا اسْمُ اللَّهِ كَثِيراً وَلَيَنْصُرَنَّ اللَّهُ مَنْ يَنْصُرُهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَقَوِيٌّ عَزِيزٌ "