Romantic realsim

I pondered on my last post. I came out with a totally far out realization. Far out but the answer to the meaning of love.

I am in love. REAL LOVE. I am in real-love with a romantic realist and he is changing my real- world and how I once thought it really was. My world is now real. No longer a bunch of memories or some distant dream and ambition. Real-time, real-love. I am living my present and what a wonderful present he has given to me.

You see, you can say I am a pragmatic person. I am not much of a romantic. Don't get me wrong...I wholeheartedly agree with love. Especially love of family, love of friends and love of ethics and fairness, but on careful reflection it seems to me that romantic love, given completely free rein and allowed to run wild through civilization, has been responsible for more poor decision making, wars, kidnapping, obsession, suicide, low self-esteem and generalized rack and ruin than any other human emotion in the whole world...and this belief has led me to a significant level of caution.

The idea of love, that we can be swept up, or away, or that there is a complete and total love and trust that doesn't necessitate a safety net (particularly for women, who seem to sometimes forget that the best man in the world can get hit by a bus and the rest of them occasionally run off) isn't something I want my daughters to think about. Just a few months ago, I would have thought that this quote was really beautiful.

We are, each of us angels with only one wing;
and we can only fly by embracing one another.
-Luciano de Crescenzo

Now it gives me goosebumps and reminds me of the shittiest times of my life. All worth it then but utter stupidity to me now.

I want my daughters to know that it is possible to be a whole sensible person without benefit of romantic attachment, and many people have gone on to be happily single as well as unhappily married and .... Well. I just wish we would stop holding out these "I would die without your love" fairy tales to young women and men (we could lay off the older ones while we're at it) and start talking about the sort of love that we should be honouring and asking kids to aspire too. Love that is good for the people who are in it and supports and encourages growth in both partners.

I personally am way, way more turned on and reassured about a man’s for me love when I know I can count on him in more than love ways. When he works hard for me, for us to have a better life more than when he brings me flowers. Don't get me wrong, I love the flowers, but they would be an entirely hollow gesture if my man just thought that I’m dumb enough to buy that that means he loved me. A beautiful card would mean little to me if my man were not an equal partner in parenting, and chocolates would taste a little off if they were given to me while I was left feeling I was being denied proper support for my career and education within our loving relationship.

Focus on real love and real issues between mates is a practical and factual way to prove how much you care for eachother....job sharing, equal education, support, loyalty...and who the hell is making dinner tonight and when the hell will I be finished paying my credit card?!

I think the world would fare a little better if from time to time we looked at a couple swooning with love and instead of drawing pink hearts and singing "all you need is love" at them said "This is all very nice, but you are both going to be needing an education and life insurance." The streets are littered with women and men who bought the commercialized “ Romeo and Juliet” idea of love and ended up in some real trouble because it turned out that there was a lot of dirty laundry, diapers and bills under all that physical escapism- oriented adoration.

I know that I sound more than a little cynical, but I maintain that I am not. What I am is a fan of real, whole love. Love that makes everyone in it better, not just vaguely happier for a while. Love that makes strong women, women who don't end up loosing track of all of the dreams and hopes they had for their own lives because hollywood love and 19th century high on opium- financial market illiterate poets say that if you're in love that's all you need, and that if you still want things for yourself after you are in love then you must not be in love "enough" or you would be completely fulfilled by it. I want my children , (and your children - because my kids are going to need some well adjusted people to marry) to have realistic expectations of love. I want them to know that “Valentines Day love” isn't sustainable.

Not through taking paying the rent, travelling or losing your job. You need love with means as in MONEY to be in love. You need it from both partners and you will lose respect and that adoration goes with it! You will lose trust and faith in the sweetest most convincing romantic when you find yourself when it comes to real life alone. Trying hard to sustain not only yourself but your equally able partner with you. So long love. You just gave me another person to worry about. As if my troubles weren’t enough.

All I'm trying to make sure of is that someday, when they gaze into their lovers eyes and the lacy and ruffled world of romantic love unfurls around them, that somewhere in the back of their heads, a little voice (it will probably be mine) says "Don't forget to have a bank account in your own name and an education you can fall back on when things go back to normal.”
I chose love and passion over routine and stability.

I've since come to realize that love isn't about what you say, it's about what you do.

And my Romantic Realist does it for me.