She sat there wondering what had brought her here, is what she is doing right? Who decides what right and wrong is anyway? And if her judgment is impaired like what he tells her because of her sheltered life and young age, where should she seek the truth? Her parents are living in another world, and she is almost certain of what their reactions would be, there is no point in letting them in on her secret. They will do more harm than good. Better leave her parents out of it this time. They just won’t understand.
But wait a minute maybe her mother will? A mother is a mother after all and her mother planned her life step by step starting from place of birth .That is just it! She can’t tell them, she could lose the only thing that might be right in her life and she can’t afford the risk of losing him. Yes, her mother will be devastated when she finds out that her worst nightmare has become a reality!! But she will get over it one day and her dad? Well he is a kind soul, mainly just existing and almost with no say on anything, whatever mom says is probably what goes in the end so what is the use?!
It is a matter of where she belongs. Where does she belong? There has never been a harder situation on earth, Arabia and the West. The conflict is at its peak these days and there is no escape from that. A choice has to be made and her heart is hanging on to both worlds. “you must give something up” he firmly tells her, “You can’t keep both worlds, you will lose them both in the end” Choose what you think God wants for you and he will lead the way”. She chose what God wants a long time ago. In fact, it is now that she feels that she is so far from God. Could they be right? The friend she had, the constant companion she relied on in good and bad times, could it be true? That wasn’t God? Is God so hard to talk to? Does she have to go through so many rituals, find the perfect spot, dress a certain way, and wash a certain way to reach out to him? Was she being disrespectful and maybe a little proud when she just cried out for God in the wrong places? Where does she belong? Why is she alone now? She closes her eyes and drifts in the past, to a happier place where things were simple and life was good.
Was she living a lie? Or is she just wiser now? Seems like the older you grow the more you belong to more things and the more complicated it gets, Where were the days when she belonged to her family, her college, her class, her friends? 6 years ago she would jump for an atlas each time somebody asked her where she was from and proudly point to the Arabian Peninsula , recite a little Arabic while everyone would listen in owe trying so hard to imitate her , she would tell stories of a thousand and one nights , ones that her Grandmother used to tell her before she went to bed, her audience marveled at the beauty and mystery of the east . She was a smart child; she would geographically track civilization’s history from the Hanging Garden’s of Babylon to the pyramids of Egypt. Where is that little girl? How could she leave her? The only source of freedom and joy is now dying. She needs her back! But how can she bring her back? It is just too sad in her world now; she herself would feel sorry for the little girl if she comes back. Maybe he is right; she needs to toughen up that little girl. Things are different now, instead of telling stories about Aladdin and Jasmine, people are attacking her with stories of Bin Laden and Terror , More frequent than not she finds her self amidst talk that is bigger than her, bigger than she can handle, why are there wars? Why is there hate? Why? Why? So many questions, but who can answer? Her mother says it is hopeless, her father says it is all politics , but she thinks it is all in their minds and longs to go back where sex, race and religion don’t matter. Were we are all citizens of the world and all we want is to live and let live . Humanity is the common denominator. How Simple!!! Why doesn’t the world get it?!?! She just can’t figure it out.
All she knows is that no longer do maps and boarders define people’s limitations, no longer is language an excuse for ignorance and no longer are we confined to our own cultures.
It is as global culture we live in today, the internet, the media, the music, the traveling everything!! The world is like a worn- out quilt made of different of patches, still one piece with little patches mending it each time it tears, just like a scene from an airplane window minutes before it lands.
She belongs to the world and all she represents is her humanity. “Know your limitations, know your size in this world” he says, “You are insignificant, and nothing you say or do can move this world an inch, grow up and stop dreaming.” How dare he? How dare he crush her just like that? She has been raised to know that nothing is impossible, that she can make a difference and that she can , if she puts her mind to it and will change the world. In fact, she believes it is a calling, a responsibility. She was born for this, If not her then who? Who will bridge between the East and West? Who will make each side understand the other and work around their differences? Who will fill the gap? Having lived half her life in the east and the other half in the west, is there anyone else who can represent an understanding of both worlds? Her blood is half east and half west; she was conceived to be a hero.
How can he just brush her ambitions aside? “Honey it is for your own good, I don’t want you to be disappointed in the end” he continues “I love you and I just want to protect you” “protect me? Protect me from what?” She wonders to herself, how can she live with someone who doesn’t believe in her? Worst of all, how can she protect him from himself? Hope can’t be killed, hope must go on or we will die. She lashes out and accuses him of being narrow minded and a coward, it happens every time, they try to have a civilized conversation about anything outside of their daily life, outside of the house, the kids and the kitchen , he brings her back to reality like a slap in the face , she wants to talk about the War in Iraq, the US politics, Religious misunderstandings, but he thinks she is just a woman, made of emotions and less mind. This is her life, this is what she chose. She must either change him or leave him or then she will lose herself. The whole scenario keeps on repeating itself like a poker game stopping at “I know better, you are just a mislead sheep ling “if only he knew he was the one mislead “she takes a deep breath, She pities him and loves him at the same time. She can’t stand him but she can’t live 10 minutes with out him.
Why then? Why do they allow world politics to ruin their relationship? Should she be less sensitive? Is it really none of her business? Should she just live her life not caring? Give up her dream? What about their children? What kind of world will they live in? She can’t! that is not the way she built herself!!! She needs to at least try, she wants a better world! She needs to fix it, and it is people like him, who make it hard, why can’t they make a step? With love and forgiveness everything will be alright. It is not just a line from a song, it can happen , she knows it can , how can something so simple be so impossible to achieve?! It never was this hard! Was it him? Was it something else she doesn’t know about?
Sometimes she blames it on the place! It is too closed for anyone to think anything but what the media dictates. Maybe no one is to blame. Maybe if they moved to another country, he will see that the world is not a one big conspiracy and that he was wrong. Behind the leaders and politicians who mess up everything are normal people like him and her, with children and parents who just want to get by. What can she do? “We can’t change the world, but we can change ourselves.” she thinks, “all we need is communication, all we need is to accept people as they are “. We are all human, the world is in our hands and anywhere is just hours away if not instantly at our fingertips.” So where does she belong? She asks herself that question everyday, and everyday she finds a different answer, and every day she struggles so hard to defend the world. Every day before she goes to bed, and after he fills her head with doubts and fears, after they make up and scars build up. She smiles at him, tucks herself to bed, prays that God gives her the strength to fight another day , shuts her eyes and softly succumbs thinking … “I belong to you”.
